Internal Struggle
by real.life.glee
Summary: The things that bother you the most, the part of your life that you hate, or your alter egos that you can't get rid of. Even super heros struggle with things like this.
1. Chapter 1

Internal struggle

_So hey there ! I know for those of you who may have read my other story are probably like YAY SHE WROTE SOMETHING ! and now you are like WTF IS THIS CRAP ! my interest has crossed into another world , ill tell you it started out with glee (hence the screen name , even though its true, I'm in a show choir ) and then I fell in LOVE with H50 and now it's the avengers… I don't know what to do with myself (: that's okay tho , I'm just gonna flow with it (:_

_So here is something my brain said "hey ill keep you up till 1 am with college planning stuff and then ill put the best story idea in your head and you MUST write it down" well here is something I think each of the avengers would struggle with …_

**_If I owned these characters idk what I would do with my almost-adult-fan-girling self ;D_**

Ready set read…

* * *

Sweat trickled down his face as the moonlight shown through the window. He had had dreams like this before and this one was no different than the rest. He sat straight up in his bed and looked toward his bathroom that was now looking more like an empty void. He hopped out of his bed and landed opposite the black he saw in his bathroom. He found refuge on the cold hard wood floor for several moments.

This was wrong his mind was playing tricks on him, however no matter how many times he told himself that, he couldn't stop seeing the things that made him afraid. He got to his knees and peered into the dark bathroom as if to face his fears. Though he lasted longer than other times he still retracted in fear of what he saw. From then on he sat facing the window, back against the bed, waiting for the sun to rise over the stark tower, feeling less like a captain every minute.

* * *

He looked at the object in disgust wanting to throw it but knowing it would do him no good. He took a sip from his glass. Scotch had become his best friend. Something to comfort him . He continued to tinker with the object wondering how he had let it control his life, how he had let things get so out of hand.

His fingers trembled and the muscles ached from over use. His hand slipped and a river of curse words flowed off his tongue. He turned his hands over dropping the tools he held, onto the table. They trembled and he knew it was time to quit working. His body couldn't take much more but he needed the solution he was so desperately working toward. What kept him alive was killing him. With that thought he placed the object into the hole in his chest and watched as the bluish glow informed him that it was working.

* * *

He was not a discriminatory man. Typically he liked everything and had no bias toward one side of an argument or another. Whether it was something as simple as likeing cats or dogs he didn't care as long as those animals were trained. Even when it came to who you wanted to marry, it didn't matter to him whether it was the same sex or the opposite. It only mattered that the two parties were happy.

But when things were all said and done the one thing that did matter was color. Not the color of your skin because, after all, this isn't the 1960's any more. Discrimination by your ethnicity in the 21st century is quite rare, and if something does happen you're looked down upon. No, the color he hated was primary. It made him hate himself more and more each day as he found that there was really nothing he could do to change himself.

Once again, as he thought of this depressing idea, standing in a field, rage bubbled deep inside him. And as he grew many times his size and let out a sound anyone would cower from, he reminded himself how much he hated the color green.

* * *

Family is a very important aspect to many people's lives. As a human society they care for their young, and teach them the necessary skills for life in the adult world. Because the times change so quickly they have left some teaching to the older siblings. In most cases this teaching is mostly how to deal with yourself when you go to school, but sometimes it became deeper.

In some cases the eldest child would teach his or her younger siblings how to act in the world.

"_I feel I have failed at this task. Of course I had never thought of teaching my brother how to behave, I don't believe many human children think of it either. I just wish I could go back and fix things."_

He finishes writing this on a piece of paper and folds in half writing _"Do I love him as a brother, or hate him as a villain?"_ on the outside.

* * *

She looks in the mirror. Disgust written all over her face. She doesn't understand how it got to be this bad. This is her job and she knows she signed up for it but, something has got to give.

Papers spread over her bed; she looks at all the faces. They belong to her but somehow her brain can't recognize them. She places the papers with various names on them into her metal trash bin setting fire to them. Behind the flames she asked herself, "When can I just be myself?"

* * *

Practice makes perfect, right? He practices and practices until he gets it right and then does it some more. His body can only take so much and he always pushes it to its limit and then, a little bit further. But when it comes to battle something doesn't quite connect in his head. His team mates swear he has got it in the bag, but for some reason he feels he falls short every time.

To be honest he might even have some anxiety before he goes out and kicks extra terrestrial ass. And so, no matter how many times he pulls back on his bow and makes sure he has all of his arrows, no amount of practice can prepare him or any of his team mates for the things they face.

* * *

_Okay how was it ? I hope you all got the characters. Just incase tho in order as they appear:_

_Captain America_

_Iron Man_

_Hulk_

_Thor_

_Black Widow_

_Hawkeye_

_I Hope you liked it . I purposely didn't tell you the characters because I wanted your mind to create the character before you knew who it was. I don't know how well I did with that but what ever (: hope you enjoyed !_

**_EDIT 7.14.12 : I'll be adding some chapters to this soon because of a request, so get ready (:_**


	2. Chapter 2

_OKAY ! only because someone asked I decided to expand (;_

_I lie, I wanted to, i just hate to post and then it be forever untill another chapter is posted... waiting adds to the anticipation but sometimes you just loose readers :( any way Hope you enjoy this. I tried to make a paring that you wouldnt really expect, but thats hard when theres only 6 main characters (: _

_any way ready set read (:_

* * *

There was a bump next door to his room. If it had been down stairs, he could have blamed it on Tony doing something crazy in his lab, but this one had been familiar. This sound had been happening around the same time the last few nights and this time seemed no better than any other to see what was going on. Clint rolled out of bed, stealth mode turned off and walked to the room next to his.

He cracked the door knowing that the captain didn't usually have women out this late and that he would be decent looking clothes wise.

The bed was empty. The sheets obviously tossed to the side in a fitful sleep. He scanned the room about to either one; chalk it up to the captains' bladder and leave or two; call it ghosts (in which case he would run) when he saw a trembling form leaning against the bed.

"Hey Steve, you okay?" he asked just watching as the captain ran his hand through his sweat drenched hair and trough the dark and silence said, "yah."

But he didn't move and that's what tipped the alarms in Clint's brain. _The captain would always try to show he was okay, words weren't enough. He was a man of few words and many actions._ he thought as he strode over to Steve and crouched near him.

"Are you sure you're alright? I mean you wanna talk about... Well ..." he made a circular gesture," about whatever happened? Or life in general?"

Clint face palmed internally, _as if the things could get more awkward_

Steve just looked at Clint. Not saying a word but gazing into somewhere deep inside him. He dropped his head and stared at his out stretched legs and muttered something so quiet it was almost inaudible.

"I lost everything." he said.

There was a sudden weight in the room and Clint faltered.

"I... I'm sorry , what?" he asked and Steve repeated himself putting his fists over his eyes and rubbing, hard.

"I've lost everything, and not that I don't appreciate you guys, but I miss home, and believe it or not, I miss the war."

Clint sat next to Steve drawing his knees into his chest, knowing that this would be a while.

"I miss the lack of technology, the guns and grenades." he continued. "The way people would call each other and talk," he paused and took a deep breath, "Peggy, and Bucky."

And as if the weight wasn't heavy enough in the room , it felt like something stomped on Clints chest.

"I feel so alone now, I feel like I'm not myself and that so many people died because of my actions, and I should have been the one to save them."

No one knows that feeling better than Clint and it upsets him.

"You feel alone! You feel like people died because of you?!" Clint started with whispered outrage. "Your not alone in this Steve, you have a team now. You weren't only defrosted to be S.H.I.E.L.D's toy. You are here to be a part of a team." as his anger slipped away he leaned back next to Steve scrubbing his hand over his face.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you, it's just... You're not alone, ever," Clint stumbled over his words and his eyes went dark and cold. "you're not alone, you're not the only one who feels like he could have saved people."

Steve just looked at Clint, watching his every move. He realized he could have been a little selfish saying those things, but didn't realize they had such an impact on him. At the leader of the Avengers he is supposed to know everyone in the group, but it seems he was about to learn something new about Clint.

Clints body stiffened and his eyes glazed over as he thought about what had happened with the whole Loki situation. "I was disconnected too," cap did the right thing by letting him finish before he asked questions

"Loki took over my mind, and I fought agents I had befriended, a-and Fury," he dropped his shoulders, "and Natasha."

Things for Steve started to line up. He understood now the point behind Clints outburst.

"Clint I understand this is ironic for me to say, and the most used cliché in the book, but there is no way that could have been your fault." Steve put his hands on his head as did Clint and they sat there wishing they could have done something.

And in the end you may have to blow the situation off with something like "shit happens" not because you don't care but because there is no use in fighting your past demons.

"Steve," Clint called. "Steve!" this time with more force he called Steve again trying to be heard over the loud swing music playing in the gym.

_How anyone could work out to that was beyond him_ but that wasn't why he came down here, _though he was more of an "eye of the tiger" kind of guy_

Steve stopped punching at the bag hanging from the ceiling, sparing it the outcome of its brothers before him that lay slouched against the wall.

"Yes Barton" Steve asked as JARVIS quieted the music to a nice background level.

"You throw that damn shield, and it hits its target every time , no matter what. How ?" the question came as a tiny bit of a surprise to Steve, he wasn't prepared for it.

"Well," he started, as he began unwrapping his hands and grabbed his water bottle. "You might laugh, but I guess I just have faith." Steve shrugged his shoulders and took a drink of his water.

Clint on the other hand stood almost flabbergasted. _he means to tell me he has faith in his shield?!_

"You mean to tell me you have faith in that shield?" Steve shrugged again.

"I guess, I have been through a lot with this shield and I figure why doubt our coupling now, or when we are in the field? So yah I have faith in not only my shield, but myself."

Clint ran his hand through his hair and watched as Steve sat on a bench to put away his gear.

"Why do you ask?" Clint had thought of so many things to say to hide the truth but because the good cap had shared his problems with him he figured one more thing for Steve to add to a file on the archer couldn't hurt much more.

"I-I guess I'm afraid that one day one of my arrows might, well crap out on me." _it's a valid fear right? I mean I can be afraid of something that seems trivial right? I'm not afraid of spiders, Parker is actually a close friend of the Avengers. So it's cool then. Right?_ after feeling so unsure of what he was saying he wasn't so sure what else to say, and the look on captains face wasn't helping.

"Care to speak up? Now is a good time." now he just felt stupid. _I'm like one of the best archers EVER I could be an Olympian. So why do I doubt myself? Oh yah that's right I've made some mistakes._

"Barton your one of the best archers out there, don't doubt yourself. If you're afraid you might mess up during a mission don't be. Just have some faith. You know what to do." with that Rodgers stood up with his duffel bag and left the archer, after smiling at him, to his own thoughts, alone in the gym.

For someone out of his time and, technicalities aside, the youngest member of the group, he sure gave some great advice.

When in doubt have faith and trust your instincts.

* * *

Well? i hope you guys liked it (: Its only 9 but it feels like is 2am so i think ill be done for tonight (:

comments for the aspiring writer (: please


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